And apparently male tutors

Blonde female undergrad (to 30-something year old male tutor): I hate Oprah. She’s just money hungry. And come on, like I care about her battle with weight loss, ugh.

Tutor: But her struggles are totally relatable to millions of women in America.

Undergrad: So. Fat people can suck it.

Coffeebytes

Overheard by oy vey

Beggars CAN be choosers

Homeless man #1: I didn’t ask for no tofurkey.

Homeless man #2: Yeah, can’t beat good, fresh turkey.

State Street

Overheard by santa

Someone has been watching too much Law & Order

Kid: Dad, can I have some quarters for a drink?

Dad: No, I want to save the rest of my quarters for a pack of cigarettes and a six pack.

Kid: You’re a heinous person.

Dad: (No response.)

Wash Basket Laundromat.

Overheard by Disgusted but slightly amused girl.

This is why elevator conversation is a no-no

Guy in hoodie to two guys carrying 24 pack of beer (after entering elevator with friends): You guys just curling up together with a movie tonight and drinking some beers?

Guy #1 carrying beer: No….

Guy in hoodie: Horton Hears a Who maybe?

Guy #2 carrying beer: No… (elevator stops and they get off)

Guy in hoodie (to friends): It’s always good to be polite to people with booze.

Lucky elevator

Overheard by horton

Burn

Student (to professor writing furiously and magically skipping steps without explaining them): Could you go back, I was still catching up from the last part so I don’t understand what you just did.

Professor: Well that’s your problem isn’t it.

Van Vleck, Math 319 Lecture

Overheard by GeeThanksForTheHelp

It’s like peer pressure, but better

Homeless Man: You see, I’ve been sniffing and…

Guy at ATM: Dude, for the last time, FUCK OFF, I DON’T WANT ANY OF YOUR COKE.

State Street

Overheard by Burger Eatin Guy

Gotta grow up fast to make it in Madison

Five-year-old girl (to adult companion): … And then grandpa got her out of jail.

Langdon Street

Overheard by Lola